About You Now
by Akumu the Starchiha
Summary: Robin musing about Barney. Slash sonfic


Akumu here, I'm trying my hand at a fic for How I Met Your Mother and a songfic. Told from Robin's POV

Don't own How I Met Your Mother or the song About You Now

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_Maybe I'm wrong, you decide  
Should of been strong, yeah I lied  
Nobody gets me like...you_

I rang the doorbell waiting impatiently for my friend Lily to open the door. I haven't seen her since New Years and it was Thanksgiving. We kept the tradition of having Thanksgiving together with Barney and Ted every year. And every year Barney brought another whore and as of two years ago Ted was bringing his girlfriend. Lily opened the door and I moved my daughter Mandy onto my hip to give her a hug.

"Robin it's so good to see you. I'm sorry to hear about the divorce." Lily said

"It's nothing we were just too different. We loved other people." I said knowing that I did love someone and I wanted to get into the other room and see him. I put Mandy in the playpen with Lily and Marshall's three children, Ryan, Carter and Greg. They had two boys and a girl, Carter. That's when I saw who I wanted to see, Barney.__

Couldn't keep hold of you then  
How could I know what you meant  
There was nothing to compare to

I saw Barney and the feelings I felt for him leapt to action, making my heart beat faster and my legs feel like jelly. I remember the day that he told me he loved me.

**Flashback-**

**Barney stood in front of me waiting for me to answer him. He just told me he loved me. After seeing him with all of the women he could barely spend a night with he expected me to tell him I loved him. I wasn't sure he even knew what love was. **

"**I don't feel the same way" I told him I think I crushed his spirit.**

**End of flashback**

It wasn't until about a year ago that I realized that I loved him back. I walked over to him bypassing Ted and his girlfriend Julia. I was about to open my mouth and say something when I noticed he had his arm around Scooter, Lily's ex-boyfriend from high school. I almost screamed when Barney kissed him. __

There's a mountain between us  
But there's one thing I'm sure of  
That I know how I feel about you

I was silent all through dinner I was too busy thinking about what I just saw. I wanted to cry and screamed and hit something, but I was maintaining my calm, feed Mandy and manage to eat a little myself. That was until Barney made an announcement. He and Scooter were getting married in three months. I ran out of the room and into the backyard.__

Can we bring yesterday back around?  
Cause I know how I feel about you now  
I was dumb, I was wrong, I let you down  
But I know how I feel about you now

I sat on the back porch and started to cry. I wanted Barney to love me again not Scooter. I may have married Josh for a small period of time and we had Mandy together but he should still love me. I was a perfect Canadian girl, the one for Barney, or so I thought.__

All that it takes, one more chance  
Don't let our last kiss be our last  
I'm out of my mind, just to show you

Barney stepped out the door and sat next to me. "What's up?" he asked me a concerned look on his face.

"Nothing" I said avoiding his eyes

"Something's wrong Robin" he said to me "Now tell me"

I didn't say anything but turned and kissed him, he pulled away quickly. He fixed me with a hard stare and said "I'm getting married in three months to Scooter. I don't feel that way about you anymore." He stood up and went back inside.__

I know everything changes  
I don't care where it takes us  
Cause I know how I feel about you

Barney was getting married in three months and I had just ruined our friendship, I'm sure. I screamed into the night, dogs started to bark and Lily came running out. I started to cry and Lily took me into her arms. She tried to calm my sobs as I shook in rage and sadness. My feelings weren't returned was this what Barney felt all those years ago.

_  
Can we bring yesterday back around?  
Cause I know how I feel about you now  
I was dumb, I was wrong, I let you down  
But I know how I feel about you now_

It had been three months since that horrible Thanksgiving and I had rekindled my friendship with Barney. I wish I had said I loved Barney back when he told me he loved me all those years ago. I lost out on what could have been the love of my life. I felt like an idiot, a complete idiot. __

Not a day, pass me by  
Not a day, pass me by  
When I don't think about you

It has been four years since Barney's wedding to Scooter. Mandy is now five years old and enjoys playing with Lily and Marshall's sons and daughters, they had five so far. She also loved to play with Ted and Julia's daughter and son. Barney and Scooter's two sons, they adopted, were close with Mandy. Every day I saw Barney I thought more and more about him._  
_

_And there's no moving on  
Cause I know, you're the one  
And I can't be without you_

I have yet to find anyone to make me feel the same way as I felt for Barney. I feel completely lost in a very big world. I just wanted to be with Barney.__

Can we bring yesterday back around?  
Cause I know how I feel about you now  
I was dumb, I was wrong, I let you down  
But I know how I feel about you now

I wanted Barney, I wanted him for myself. I should have said yes, I should have said yes. I want Barney to be mine not Scooter's. I wish I could go back and change the answer I gave him all those years ago. __

But I know how I feel about you now  
Yeah I know how I feel about you now

It was many years for the day I would rather forget. Mandy is marrying Barney and Scooter's eldest son, Justin. I watched my ex-husband walk Mandy down the aisle and I cried. What if I had actually been with Barney today would never be happening. But I still wanted to be with Barney and I was jealous of Scooter. I was jealous of Barney's arm around him, the way they had adopted and the love they had. I wanted Barney Stinson to love me Robin Scherbatsky.

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I think that if Robin ever told Barney she didn't love him he would realize he was gay. I don't know. This story came from a dream. Please Review


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